Dark Places

I love gardening. I find it very therapeutic and it gives me plenty of object lessons to share with students about life, particularly our spiritual lives. A big bonus is I have healthy, organic, GMO-free food year around that feeds my family in a self-sustaining way.

One of the hardest lessons in gardening is realizing that many of the issues you deal with above ground is really rooted in dark places in the soil. It doesn't matter what seeds you have, how much you spend at the garden center, or how much you water. If the soil is bad nothing will be growing. Period.

This applies to our character too. Most times bad behavior is rooted in something deeper and more hidden. Those dark places in your soul are breeding grounds for bitterness and rage, lies and deceit. Until you allow God to deal with those issues in your life, they are going to keep coming back up. You can try moving, changing your job, changing your church, changing your partner, but wherever you go and whatever you do you are still there.

In my dark places, God has rooted out the cause of my insecurities, trust issues, and perfectionism. I am now able to discern love from manipulation and guilt. I recognize that most people do not live their lives in judgement of me, nor do they constantly criticize my every action or believe I am stupid. I am now able to believe my husband when he encourages me and tells me he loves me. I am able to believe my professors when they say I am an excellent student with great writing skills. I believe my peers when they say my words encouraged them and my vulnerability in sharing my story, inspires them to do better.

In developmental psychology, Erikson's theory states that trust issues stem from the first years of life. You either learn that your care givers will meet your needs or you learn that they won't. Each subsequent developmental stage will either lead you down a path of disfunction or towards mental health. It is very hard to change paths, but I was able to do so by the grace of God.

I have many other great role models in my life that took dysfunction from their childhood and allowed God to remedy the soil. By allowing God to do so, their lives have reaped a hundred-fold harvest. It doesn't mean that the work is done and that pests don't try and undo the growth! Because the soil is well tended to, the plant can continue to flourish and thrive in the midst of adverse conditions. This is why Jesus said, you will know my followers by their fruit. And the fruit is rooted in dark places.