Loved

Sometimes you just know that you have built a life that is good.

God has surrounded me with the people that I need, but not always the people I wish would love me. When I was 24 years old, I had given up the dream of having a “best girl friend”, I was a young mom with 2 little kids and a lot of heartbreak. I had my amazing husband and thought that was all God had in mind for me. Then I met this lady online who also had 2 kids, loved Jesus and books, and who I had a surprising amount of similarities with. Over the last 13 years we have shared more joy and sorrow then can be counted. Yesterday, she sent me a physical hug in the form of a quilt. Every last detail is a reflection of how well she knows me, it is black and white, honeycombs, red lips and words, florals, yellow and hot pink.

All my life, I have desired to be known and understood. I have that now, but it didn’t look like I expected. The people that weren’t there for me as a child are long gone now that I am living my best life. God has given me a new family, people that I don’t have to prove anything to and who just love me. I went through so much of my life so deprived of love that any scrap of leftovers that came my way had to suffice. I had to earn and work so hard for every little acknowledgement that is engrained in my neurological pathways that I was some how lacking, insufficient. In reality I was looking to people to do what only God could do. A woman who knows that her worth and value comes from God, is an unstoppable force and the confidence that comes from being loved for who I am, not what I do, is priceless.

So to all my unbiological family members, you are the bomb. Thank you for being the most amazing people on the planet and part of my SOS list. You have helped me recognize that I got all I needed from my past and it isn’t years worth of baggage, but a small shoe box. And thank you for linking arms with me as fierce prayer warriors until we see the home coming, and all the wrongs made right. I literally can’t do this life without you.